aware of the dark

aware of the dark - jo klima - maps to herself

As Eckhart Tolle says, once you perceive the truth, awaken your awareness, there’s no going back. There is a big shift happening in the increase of people’s own awareness and there are so many really amazing leaders in the world helping with this. Self awareness as well as seeing and caring about what’s really happening in the world is really the only way to change or improve your life or those of other people. With awareness we open up to what’s possible, see that we can go in a different direction, and live our life in more alignment and finding more joy in the present moment.

But there is also another side to it which I’m struggling with. It makes it difficult to understand why some things can happen, why some of our fellow humans can actually do some of the terrible things they do, and why others suffer. They are unconscious, I get it. But that doesn’t make it any easier as a human to accept, and it’s why you see some people such as vegans needing to be forcefully heard in order to help those without a voice.

It’s been almost 3 years since I became vegetarian. And over the last year I’ve started to feel guilt about not being vegan, although I have cut back on some animal products. But it’s not only food. It’s seeing all the other ways you consume or live your life. Where your clothes are from (we all love a bargain but at what cost), the leather shoes, who made your iphone, taking advantage of cheap holiday destinations, or animals used and often abused for entertainment. I start wondering how I am consuming, what would be an ethical alternative, and how can I help with so many injustices going on. My list of things that I’m not ok with is getting longer.

So what’s the best way forward? To still be an active part of our modern society, enjoy life and help where I can? I don’t intend to own a sanctuary for rescue animals, but I support those who do. I won’t travel to countries to film and disclose some terrible places and situations, but will support those who do. But I can’t give to every cause that does work that is important to me, so how do you pick who to support and help?

When you deepen your understanding and awareness of life and become more at peace with certain parts of life, for me it also brings up so much which is the opposite of that. I don’t have any answers here, but I’d love to hear your thoughts.


  1. Laurel

    This is becoming increasingly difficult for my family and I. It feels wonderful but so hard.
    I have so many thoughts but nothing cohesive haha.

  2. B

    I think its important first and foremost to offer yourself a bit of grace as you continue to understand what is in front of you. Be gentle with yourself, Beautie.

    The contrast that you speak of that comes forward as a result of your peace I think is there to create a deeper understanding of how you see yourself in this every changing, unfolding world.

    Sometimes I wonder myself how so much violence, grief, suffering can keep manifesting every day…and it leads me back to what conflicts live within my own heart. I remember being in a Sanskrit Training and the teacher said that if we see it in the world, it exists within the heart.

    It took a while for me to understand this (and still today, this lesson continues to unfold for me) but I’ve come to the knowing that if we are collectively in conflict within ourselves, it will indeed manifest on a grander scale. So when things seem so big and bad and outright wrong, I go and sit. I breath. And I dive deep within and see where am I not healed. What am I resisting within myself?

    In reality, I may not be directly responsible for the specific actions that lead to the suffering in certain events but as I exist daily in my life, in my family, being a consumer, a voter, a woman, a mother, a wife and a human being – I realize am not choosing just for myself. I am choosing for the healing and growth of the world and its people.

    So when I chose with love, the foods I eat, the movies I watch, the music I listen to, the artists I support, the causes that speak to my heart, it all shifts the collective world, towards a more unified, peaceful, loving and compassionate world.

    And when I chose things out of fear, or “necessity” or any kind of feelings of force or responsibility or obligation or shame, I end up seeing things that cause my heart to break and fear to set in for myself and my son’s future.

    I’m immediately reminded that to be in this world is a practice and the responsibility I have is to create and weave this life with as much love as possible. Fear will be there, it will show up, because we are human but how do we face it? Love? Compassion? By remembering that we are all someone’s children perhaps?

    I send the people at the center of the pain and ridiculous, radical amounts of love and prayers and then I sit again. I breath. And I ask myself again, what can I do, everyday, in my own way that can contribute to the loving of this planet and its people? Because who am I to withhold love? Who am I to hate? And why would I carry that in my body that the Divine has blessed me with in this life?

    It is a simplistic way of seeing the world, I know. But radical compassion and LOVE as simplistic as it sounds, is probably going to be the medicine that will heal the world.

    So chose, for yourself Beautie, what you want because it will create shifts, regardless. It is intentional loving thought and intentional loving action that will move us forward. So chose, with your heart and don’t worry about anything else.

  3. Can I just replace my post with this hehe, there’s so much gold here which really does help thank you! From writing it I do see that love and compassion is the way forward, I also loved your comment about going within to see what conflicts are going on inside and I will definitely sit with that. I can only imagine that this feeling would intensify when bringing up children, of course you want to leave the world a better place for them too. Thank you again for hearing what I had to say and sharing xx

  4. I identified a lot with this insightful post. I’m a vegetarian who feels she should be vegan. I also feel like the more I learn about the world, the longer my list of issues with it, an impossibly long list. I try to make peace with myself by making the best choices I can and by trying to turn my anger and sadness at the world into small but constructive actions. For example, John Bird from the Big Issue wrote that we complain about the behaviour of mega-rich and powerful companies, but it’s us who make them rich and powerful – we have the power to take our business elsewhere. I try to do that whenever I can. You put all these feelings into words so well, and the accompanying painting is, as always, so beautiful.

  5. Thank you Samantha :) Yes we definitely have power to choose where our money goes. Sharing the truth with others so they can make more informed decisions is also important to create significant change. I already know meditation helps me a lot and while so much crazy stuff has been happening I am taking more time to do that.

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